What I Watched - May 20-26 2015

WHAT I WATCHED - MAY 20-26, 2015:

 Deadly Prey (1987) VHS
- Pure “so bad its good” gold from director David Prior and his blond-mulleted actor brother Ted. Take Rambo, take The Most Dangerous Game… remove the budget, the good acting and the special effects and you have Deadly Prey. Every moment of this movie is unadulterated awesomeness. Ted plays a Nam vet who is kidnapped by some bad guys who love to hunt humans. Only they chose the wrong guy this time! Another from my own collection (all of which I’m selling off for space purposes), and one every Z-grade action movie fan needs to see (along with other Prior brothers efforts like Aerobicide, Sledgehammer and Raw Nerve).

Slash Dance (1989) AVI
- That’s a catchy title right? Some nice wordplay on the name of the popular 80s movie, Flashdance. Well, that’s all this pile of crap has going for it. The premise is simple - girls auditioning for a musical start getting picked off by a serial killer so a sexy female cop goes undercover to catch him. There’s nothing wrong with a slasher that keeps it simple. But there’s plenty wrong with a slasher that features virtually no blood, no skin (come on, it’s a movie about dancing girls!) and some of the worst acting ever put to screen (the lead and several other of the “actors” were wrestlers from the short-lived Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, and acting wasn’t their strong point). Instead it has tedious amounts of girls in leotards “dancing” on stage - I use that word very, very reluctantly. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Mortuary (2005) AVI
- Oh Tobe Hooper, we knew ye well. It’s well known that Hooper has gone from genre hero (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist) to genre zero (virtually everything after Texas Chainsaw 2 in 1986). Sadly, Mortuary doesn’t represent a return to form for him. The premise is okay - family move into an old house to restart an old mortuary and come under attack by a fungal growth that turns dead people into zombies - but it’s all done rather poorly (especially the CGI, yikes). Not the worst movie ever made, but definitely nothing worth wasting your time on.

JUDGEMENT MAY: I Survived a Zombie Holocaust (2014) DVD
- Pretty much the only time I buy movies on their released date is when it’s a New Zealand movie I really want to see, like this one. It was released on DVD and in a few cinemas here in NZ on Friday May 22. I picked it up a day later and watched it right away, and I wasn’t disappointed. It definitely feels very New Zealand-y, mixing our sense of humour with gore in the same vein as Braindead, Bad Taste and Black Sheep. I love the fact it’s about real zombies attacking the cast and crew of a low budget zombie movie, which gives it ammo to take shots at the movie industry as well as the overdone zombie sub-genre. NZ horror is on a real roll lately, between this, Housebound and What We Do in the Shadows.

Joe (1970) DVD
- With Memorial Day happening in the US, I wanted to watch something very ‘Murican. The cover to this one showed an Army uniform, a guy with a gun and the Stars and Stripes - sold! I knew nothing about it going in and found it to be a gritty, gloomy look at life in the late 60s and early 70s, a time of racial and civil unrest in Vietnam-era America. The late, great Peter Boyle shows off the grumpy chops he’d use so well in the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond, as a disgruntled, racist blue collar worker who befriends a rich guy with a wayward daughter, as the two go on a rampage against hippies. Blunt, un-PC, brutal in places and with a great ending. Kind of like Easy Rider without the motorbikes.

What I Watched - May 13-19 2015

WHAT I WATCHED - MAY 13-19 2015:

Chopping Mall (1986) VHS
- Another title I wanted to give one more watch before selling (I’m selling off my VHS collection to make space). This has always been a favourite of mine. I mean, come on, it’s about killer security robots hunting and killing young people in a mall at night. How could you not love that? I’ve previously reviewed this as part of the Corman-ia 2011 marathon - see that review here (www.moviegeeknz.blogspot.co.nz/2011/06/cormania-2011-chopping-mall.html)

JUDGEMENT MAY: Night of the Living Dead (1968) DVD
- I’ve decided that for the remainder of May the month’s theme will be post-apocalyptic/end-of-the-world movies. And what better way to kick it off with the zombie apocalypse movie that started it all. My girlfriend had never seen this before, making it an even better choice to get this theme underway. Obviously I don’t need to say anything about this one that hasn’t already been said. Absolute classic.

Firepower (1993) VHS
- I had this one sitting among the many piles of VHS I’m setting about selling from own collection, and hadn’t really given it any thought. That is until I saw a trailer for it on another VHS, and found out that the one and only Ultimate Warrior acts in this! My favourite WWF guy from the late 80s playing a bad guy called The Swordsman? Yes please! In the future year of 2007 (hehe), some cities are designated as lawless zones where the police don’t dare to go. But two rulebreaking cops (Steve McQueen’s kid Chad and former world kickboxing champ Gary Daniels) go in under-cover to catch a major bad guy, and fight their way through an underground fighting league (where the aforementioned Swordsman is the champ). Lots of in-ring action (punch/kick fighting and weapons), the best of which is when Daniels is featured. Predictable but good mindless fun!

Hold Your Breath (2012) DVD
- Last May the theme here on Schlock to the System was “May-de to be Mocked” (mockbusters), during which I ended watching way more The Asylum flicks than is entirely healthy. Fast forward a year and I pop on this slasher, not knowing a thing about it, and during the opening credits… yep, it’s produced by those purveyors of budget-conscious tripe, The Asylum. Apparently this was the first movie they ever released to cinemas - I feel sorry for whoever paid cinema ticket prices to sit through this one. Low-budget slasher based around an executed criminal whose spirit jumps from body to body. Think The Fallen without the budget, or the plot. Or anything really. Definitely worth skipping.

Repentance (2013) Netflix
- I watched this under duress after my girlfriend chose it for our night’s viewing, and found it to be not too bad. It has a good cast, including the always-dependable Forest Whitaker and Anthony Mackie, and a plot that starts off predictable but takes a few twists and turns. A little too corny and preachy for my liking, but the good acting and some intense torture scenes kept me in it until the end. Not bad if you’ve got some time to waste and are looking for something to watch.

JUDGEMENT MAY: Vanishing on 7th Street (2010) DVD
- What drew me to this movie the most (apart from the fact I picked it up secondhand for extremely cheap) was director Brad Anderson. I love two of his early movies, Session 9 and The Mechanic. While this doesn’t live up to those, it’s still a solid watch, especially if you’re fascinated by post-apocalyptic movies like me. In this case it’s an end-of-world scenario where most of the world’s population disappears in an instant, leaving just a few confused survivors (including ol’ Annakin Skywalker himself Hayden Christensen and John Leguizamo in a rare non-comedic role). When the enemy is revealed to be shadow creatures, the survivors must stay in the light at all costs. Anderson once again shows that he knows how to build suspense (the gimmick here allows him to re-use a few “lights going out” tricks from Session 9) and while there’s nothing overly memorable about Vanishing on 7th Street, I can give it a mild recommendation.

What I Watched - May 6-12 2015

WHAT I WATCHED: May 6-12

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) Netflix
- There’s been a lot of hype about this movie online recently, and not all of it positive. I’ve heard some horror fans complain that “it’s not a horror movie”, and in some ways they’re right. It’s more of an arthouse movie (shot in black and white) with some horror elements. I dug the unique setting (California doubling as Iran) and most importantly found the leads to be compelling. The comparisons with Let the Right One In are unavoidable, and while it’s not quite as good as that one, it definitely deserves plenty of praise.

Blood Lake (1987) Youtube
- I’m a sucker for obscure genre flicks that haven’t been released on DVD. Bored one night at work, I found this on Youtube and settled in for a viewing. Yikes is this one bad. Plotwise it is your atypical slasher - group of teens spend a weekend at a lakehouse and get picked off by a maniac. But what makes it so excrutiating to watch is the acting. The cast of unknowns, many of whom didn’t act again after this, look absolutely lost on camera. They stumble through their lines and spend most of the time looking around as if wondering what to do next. The action doesn’t begin until 45-minutes into the film, before that we’re treated to such pleasures as watching the teens waterski and play drinking games, all in the most unexciting manner imaginable. Blood Lake is only for the most masochistic of B-movie fans.

Braindead (1992) VHS
- I’m in the process of selling off my rather-large VHS collection, as I just don’t have room for them anymore. My girlfriend had never seen this New Zealand classic, directed by the one and only Peter Jackson, so I threw it in the old machine for a watch before I sell it. This copy is the American one, titled Dead Alive, but it’ll always be Braindead to me. Simply put, this is one of the greatest horror comedies ever made. From the kung fu kicking Priest (“I kick ass in the name of the Lord”) to the gory-beyond-words lawnmower finale, you can’t go wrong with Braindead.

Slaughter High (1986) VHS
- Another one I decided to pop in for a watch before selling. Not the greatest 80s slasher, but any fan of slashers is going to have a good time watching it. The premise is very similar to 1981’s The Burning, but instead of a caretaker falling foul of a teenaged prank, it’s the school nerd. Like Cropsy, said nerd exacts his revenge on the perpetrators, some 10 years later at a school reunion.

Blood Rage (1987) AVI
- AKA Nightmare at Shadow Woods. Apparently this was made in 1983 but not released until 1987, which is never a good sign. Another obscure not-on-DVD feature (although apparently it will be getting the Blu Ray treatment from Arrow later this year). However, unlike Blood Lake, this one has better acting and some good gore. The plot is also moderately interesting, featuring two identical twins, one of whom is a psychopath. Not a bad little twist at the end too.

Honeymoon Horror (1982) AVI
- Yet more not-on-DVD obscurity. Three sets of college couples, newly married, head to an island getaway for their honeymoon, where they are killed by a mystery psycho. I say mystery, but even a coma patient will guess who it is well before the reveal. Bad acting, awful sets, this one has the lot. There are a couple of decent gore kills, but not enough to make this one recommendable. Not even for cheese factor, because apart from a hilariously-wacky small-town sheriff there’s just no fun to be had here.

The Night Brings Charlie (1990) AVI
- Finishing off the trio of obscurities I watched in one night was this Orlando-shot slasher with yet another cast of nobodies. By 1990 slashers were becoming old hat, and this one recycles all the old cliche stuff (including a scene taken straight from a Friday the 13th sequel, in which three bikers are taken out in a barn). But what it lacks in originality this one makes up for with an interesting killer at least (the titular Charlie, wearing overalls, a sack on his head and goggles), a decent twist and some above-average acting.

The Wild Life (1984) VHS
- I always wondered why I’d never heard of this movie before. After all, it was written by Cameron Crowe (FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, ALMOST FAMOUS etc) and has a pretty good cast of young 80s talent (Chris Penn, Eric Stoltz, Lea Thompson, Jenny Wright). But after watching it I can kind of see how it slipped through the cracks and didn’t become as well-known as other 80s teen comedies. There’s nothing wrong with the acting - Penn is great as the carefree party animal and Stolz is solid as his more conservative buddy - but the script just seems to lack the spark of Fast Times, while covering the same type of ground (teen life set around malls, school etc). Solid but hardly a classic.

We're back... again

Like that pesky slasher villain who just won't stay dead, Schlock to the System is back. It's been almost a year since I posted anything on here, but I'm going to start posting again.

I'm not sure how many full-length reviews I'll be doing, but at the very least I hope to post weekly "What I watch this week" updates, with short reviews of every film that passes before my eyes.

What I Watched - June 23-29 2014

Note: A quiet week without much in the way of movie viewing, but busy enough in other areas of my life that I didn't find time to write any full reviews. Tune-In June was finished off with three made-for-TV movies and the pilot of a TV show. 

WHAT I WATCHED: June 23-29

TUNE IN JUNE: Killdozer (1974) AVI
- This ABC Movie of the Week has a ridiculous-but-awesome concept - on a small Pacific Island an alien force takes over a bulldozer and begins killing off members of a small construction crew. These days it would be played completely for laughs, but there's not even a hint of humour here. Everything is played completely straight. Directed by Jerry London (who also helmed a TV movie I watched in May, MANHUNT FOR CLAUDE DALLAS), it has a good cast, including Clint Walker (TV's CHEYENNE), Neville Brand (EATEN ALIVE) and Robert Urich (TV's SPENSER FOR HIRE). The concept is better than the end result, but for the sheer fact of getting to see people fighting for survival against a driver-less bulldozer, it's worth checking out. 

TUNE IN JUNE: Moving Target (1988) VHS
- Fairly innocuous 80s made-for-TV movie about a teenager (Jason Bateman in the midst of his rise to fame on TV's VALERIE) on the run from organised crime. You know the kinds of shenanigans that come with this kind of movie, but the writers and director Chris Thomson (who, like me is a New Zealander) throw enough balls in the air that it stops from being completely predictable. Shockingly, Bateman isn't obnoxious (I can't stand the guy usually), and the rest of the cast are good, from his love interest, Chynna Phillips (of 80s music group Wilson Phillips), to his dad (Tom Skeritt, ALIEN), the hitman (Jack Wagner) and the main bad guy (Richard Dysart, THE THING).

TUNE IN JUNE: Calendar Girl Murders (1984) Netflix
- Back-to-back Tom Skerritt, but here he's the main protagonist in this made-for-TV movie about, well, a string of calendar girl murders. It's fairly basic fare but the acting is really what makes it stand out (a constant pattern with these 70s and 80s TV flicks). Skerritt is always great, and there are prominent roles for Sharon Stone and TV regulars Robert Culp (GREATEST AMERICAN HERO) and Alan Thicke (GROWING PAINS). Stone's role as a model caught in the middle of a murder mystery, trying to seduce a straight-laced cop, make it impossible not to think of Basic Instinct, minus the edginess obviously. You'll see the ending "twist" coming a mile away though.

TUNE IN JUNE: Warehouse 13 pilot (2009) Netflix
- I've been meaning to check out this SyFy TV series for a while, so finally got around to watching the movie-length pilot. The concept (male and female secret service agents are invited to join a secret government organisation which tracks and warehouses all of the world's magical and supernatural items) is reminiscent of TV's Friday the 13th: The Series, with aspects of The X-Files, Supernatural and Men in Black thrown into the mix. I like the concept, but it's handled in a more comedic way than I'd like, making everything a bit goofy, but I'll be checking out some more episodes at some point.

Whore's Glory (2011) Netflix
- Fairly interesting documentary that follows the daily life of prostitutes in three different countries (Thailand, Bangladesh and Mexico). Some very eye-opening stuff. Be warned - for the most part it is frank without being graphic, but towards the end there's some graphic sex involved.

Transformers: Age of Extinction 3D (2014) Cinema
- I know, I know. Why the hell did I go to the cinema to see the fourth Transformers movie? I'll tell you why. I had free tickets to a fancy theatre (leather recliners, meal service etc) that expired at the end of June. This was the only thing showing on the last weekend of the month, so this is what I ended up seeing. I went in with extremely-low expectations, and ended up actually enjoying it. It could be that I saw it without having to pay any money or it could be that I saw it in 3D (my first ever 3D cinema experience), but I found Age of Extinction entertaining enough. I like Mark Wahlberg (yay no more Shia LeDouche!), the Dinobots were cool, the action was easier to follow and a lot of the dumb comedy from the earlier movies was gone. Definitely the best of the series so far.

What I Watched - June 16-22 2014

Note: A busy week of movie watching, including three more entries in Tune in June, a number of documentaries and plenty of Netflix viewing (after being without Netflix for a month or so I've been catching up).

WHAT I WATCHED - June 16-22:

Eyes of the Mothman (2011) Netflix
- Documentary about the Mothman legend of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, made famous by the 2002 Richard Gere movie, Mothman Prophecies. Fairly interesting, with a lot of interviews with local townsfolk, college professors and the like. Definitely worth watching if you're interested in unexplained phenomena, whether you're a believer or a sceptic.

Cashback (2006) Netflix
-  With a concept like this (guy learns how to stop time while working late nights at a supermarket), the easy route would be to turn it into a teen comedy full of toilet humour. Instead English director/writer Sean Ellis crafts a funny-but-heartfelt romantic comedy full of fantastic acting performances, particularly from leads Sean Biggerstaff (HARRY POTTER movies) and Emilia Fox. Yes, there is plenty of nudity, but it is handled in a smart way, while leaving room for plenty of humorous moments.

Open Season 2 (2008) Netflix
- Father-son movie night. I haven't seen the first movie, but this one was adequate enough and my son enjoyed it (to be honest there's not much animated that he doesn't like). The highlight was the little creature voiced by Scottish comedian Billy Connelly.

TUNE IN JUNE: Condor (1986) Netflix
- See full review here.

TUNE IN JUNE: Time Trax (1986) VHS
- See full review here.

Of Two Minds (2012) Netflix
- Documentary about bi-polar disorder, focusing on several individuals with it. Doesn't go too much into the science, instead shining the spotlight on what it's like to live with mental illness, both for the sufferers and their family and friends. A decent enough time waster.

Only God Forgives (2013) Netflix
- I'm a huge fan of Drive, so when I heard that director Nicolas Winding-Refn and star Ryan Gosling were getting back together to make another movie, I was excited. Unfortunately I was disappointed by Only God Forgives. I wanted to like it, I really did. But what was great about Drive (long periods of contemplative, beautifully-shot scenes mixed with brief moments of intense violence) comes off here as over-indulgent. The Thailand setting is refreshing, and Gosling continues to be badass, but Only God Forgives seems to be trying too hard and falls short.

Madhouse (2004) Netflix
- A horror movie set in an insane asylum starring a trio of late-90s, early-2000s "stars" (Blair Witch Project's Joshua Leonard, American Pie's Natasha Lyonne and Cabin Fever's Jordan Ladd). Like Shutter Island there's a mystery to solve (who is killing patients?), but on a far lower budget. Some nice stylistic touches and a decent twist ending, and it's always good to see Josh Leonard getting work.

You're Gonna Miss Me (2005) Netflix
- Music doco about psychadelic rock pioneer Roky Erickson and his downward spiral from musical success in the 1960s and early 70s, to institutionalisation and then ending up as a shell of his former self, living with his mom in poverty. Less a documentary about music and more a frank look at mental illness (a theme I can't seem to get away from at the moment!) and the effects of bad parenting.

TUNE IN JUNE: Brian's Song (1971) AVI
- When I decided to do Tune in June I looked up lists of the top made-for-TV movies, and this one was mentioned on a lot of lists. I'll admit that I knew nothing about it, other than it was about an American Football player who died young. That's the crux of it, but what makes this so special is the great acting by James Caan and Billy Dee Williams, and the way they're able to bring the true-life friendship of Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers to life. Truly touching.

The Tall Man (2012) Netflix
- I think Pascal Laugier's Martyrs is one of the greatest horror movies of the last decade. It's suspenseful, brutal and I was left thinking about it's content for days afterwards. I was excited to hear that Laugier had followed up with this tale of children going missing in a small US mountain town. Whereas Martyrs is a decidedly French movie, this moves to English language, an American setting and American stars, headlined by Jessica Biel. The result is not as brutal as Martyrs but just as thought provoking and suspenseful. Get this man more work!

Strongman (2009) Netflix
- Another documentary, this one about Stanless Steel, a powerful middle-aged showman strong enough to bend pennies with his bare hands. But he's living in poverty, his family is messed up and his relationship with his live-in girlfriend/announcer is hardly ideal. There's no real point to this doco, no real point that it builds to, but it's a frank and honest look at a man who thinks he should be famous but isn't.

TUNE IN JUNE: Time Trax (1993)

Note: Here on Shlock to the System, June is TUNE IN JUNE, which is really just an excuse for me to catch up on some TV series I've been meaning to watch for a while. But I will also be watching a number of TV movies, particularly ones from the hey-day of the TV movie, the 70s and 80s.

 
Time Trax (1993)
Director: Lewis Teague
Starring: Dale Midkiff, Mia Sara, Elizabeth Alexander, Michael Warren, Henry Darrow
Format: VHS

Plot: Captain Darien Lambert (Midkiff) is a police officer in the year 2193, in the elite fugitive retrieval unit. He learns that a prominent scientist has developed a time machine called Trax. For a large fee, he has been sending dangerous criminals back to the year 1993, where they are safe from capture. When Darien corners the scientist, he escapes into the past. Darien also travels to 1993, vowing to retrieve all fugitives and send them back for punishment. Armed with a computer that looks like a credit card, named SELMA (Alexander), and a high-tech laser weapon disguised as a remote car alarm.

This is the two-part pilot of a TV series that apparently lasted two seasons (although I've never seen it, or in fact heard of it before I bought this pilot/movie on VHS). But I quite enjoyed it, and will hopefully come across the series one day and be able to check it out (as far as I can tell it's only available as part of Warner's MOD program, and sells at ridiculous prices).

Because this is a pilot movie, a good portion of it is spent setting up the characters and scenario, which does drag out a bit, but the action really ramps up towards the end, with an exploding boat, a chase through a jungle and someone falling off a massive waterfall. And it's no coincidence that things improve overall once the setting shifts from 2193 to 1993, because the portion set in the future isn't very convincing, or interesting for that matter. The "fish out of water" stuff in 1993 is much more fun.

Dale Midkiff is a likeable enough leading man and he has good chemistry with his love interest, the always-beautiful Mia (FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF), who plays dual roles - a woman in the future who Lambert falls for, and her great-granddaughter in 1993. A year after this she would also star in another time travel story, Jean Claude Van Damme's TIMECOP. Another piece of trivia is that both Midkiff (PET SEMETARY) and director Teague (CUJO) had previously worked on Stephen King adaptions, althought not together.

The hologram companion, coupled with time travel, did make me think of QUANTUM LEAP, with it's similar construct, but Time Trax doesn't have the wry sense of humour of Dean Stockwell's Al.

In summary, if I'd caught this Time Trax pilot back in the day, I'd be tuning in to catch the series to see if it develops well. The concept is interesting and any excuse to look at Mia Sara on a regular basis, am I right?