What I Watched - November 8-14 2015

WHAT I WATCHED - NOVEMBER 8-14 2015:

Croaked: Frog Monster from Hell (1981) Amazon
- I've just signed up for a trial period of Amazon Prime and while perusing the free streaming video on the site I came across a bunch of obscure regional horror movies that I haven't seen anywhere else, this one included. Also known as "Rana: Legend of Shadow Lake" it is from renowned Wisconsin-based schlockmeister Bill Rebane (Blood Harvest, Giant Spider Invasion etc) and is purely for the lovers of bad, low-budget cinema. With narration that makes it sound like an episode of Wonderful World of Disney and laughable man-in-suit monster effects, this flick is pretty dire, but at the same time has a cheesy charm that I enjoyed somewhat.

Old 37 (2015) AVI

- I was pretty excited to check this one out, since its two main stars are horror legends Kane Hodder and Bill Moseley. Who could pass up the chance to see Jason Vorhees and ChopTop in action together, right? Unfortunately, while it's good to see these two legends in action together, the story (brothers pretend to be paramedics and pick up victims in their old No 37 ambulance - hence the name) leaves a lot to be desired. It's badly lit, the music is horrible loud rock music (I'm a metaller, but in this case the music doesn't suit the movie) and there's bugger all gore (or its impossible to see because of the shitty lighting). A bunch of flashbacks also kill what atmosphere there is. I've since learned that Moseley and Hodder have starred in quite a few movies together in recent years (including Charlie's Farm and Smothered) - hopefully they're better than this.

The Doberman Gang (1972) AVI

- Another movie I watched simply because of it's rareness - as far as I can tell it has never been released on DVD. Apparently this one led to a string of sequels, all with the same basic premise - a team of five Doberman Pincer dogs are trained to carry out some kind of criminal task. In this case it's rob a bank. There's not much more to it than that, bar some squabbling among the thieves behind the plan. This is good, harmless fun in a 1970s TV movie kind of way (although it appears to have been a cinematic release), with goofy comedy and cheesy, cheesy music (dig the theme song: "They were the doggonest gang than man could ever see, all them animals just like you and me").

Evidence (2013) Netflix

- Part slasher movie, part CSI-type police procedural, Evidence's plot has more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese, but if you look past that, it's entertaining, particularly if you like mysteries. A group of people who break down at a desert gas station end up being massacred by a mysterious killer wearing a welding mask, and police try to solve the case using footage from the victims' phones and cameras. There's not a great deal of gore (although seeing someone set alight by a welding-torch-wielding killer was kinda cool), so this leans heavily towards the mystery/police side rather than the horror side of things. The acting's pretty good (led by Silent Hill's Radha Mitchell and True Blood's Steven Moyer) and the twist ending actually caught me off-guard. Add in some pretty nifty camera effects and this one's a definite recommendation.

Requiem for a Dream (2000) DVD

- I picked this up for $1 from a video rental store closing down in my town, and my girlfriend had never seen it - so that had to be remedied. Of course this is a fantastic piece of cinema from Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, The Fountain, Black Swan etc) and the ultimate "don't do hard drugs" message. I love the split-screen camera work and the nifty editing, and there's top notch acting on display from Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, Marlon Wayans and Ellen Burstyn (who was rightfully nominated for an Oscar for her work). Easily one of the best movies released in the early 2000s.

Future-Kill (1985) AVI

- This is a movie that has been at the periphery of my consciousness since I first saw it on VHS in about 1986 (when I was 11 years old). A few scenes have stuck in my head ever since but I never got around to finding it again, until now. I wish I'd gotten around to it sooner - specifically before I met star Edwin Neal (more famous for his role as The Hitchhiker in the original TCM) at a horror convention in the early 2000s. I would have loved to have heard his thoughts on it. Plot-wise, Future-Kill is part Porkies (frat boy shenanigans) and part The Warriors (zany street gangs in outrageous costumes), with a main bad guy that looks like a cross between Robocop and The Humongous from The Road Warrior. As a piece of cinema this isn't anything great, but as a cheesy 80s scifi/horror it kicks ass.

Tick Tick Tick (1970) AVI

- Another from my list of "never been released on DVD" downloads, Tick Tick Tick is a fascinating look at racial relations in small-town America in the late 60s and early 70s. Jim Brown plays a black man voted in as sheriff of a town in the deep south, which of course causes a lot of tension with the white folk. George Kennedy is superb as always as the former sheriff who becomes a deputy to help him out. This isn't straight-up exploitation, although there's enough despicable racist behaviour to give it a hard edge.

Time Lapse (2014) Netflix

- I do love a good time travel movie, and while not perfect, Time Lapse has a great premise and enough plot twists to keep you thinking after the final credits roll. Just don't think about things too long, or you'll start to realise there are quite a few things that don't make sense, as is often the case with time travel stories. Danielle Panabaker from TV's The Flash leads a small cast of otherwise-unknowns in a tale about a camera that takes photos of the future. I won't say anymore than that - it's best to go in without knowing too much - but I did enjoy this one quite a bit.

What I Watched - November 1-7 2015

WHAT I WATCHED - NOVEMBER 1-7 2015:

The Death of Superman Lives: What Happened? (2015) Youtube

- This is one I've been meaning to check out for a while now after reading Kevin Smith's latest autobiography, Tough Shit, a few months back. I honestly didn't know anything about this other than reading a few brief mentions about a failed Superman movie over the years. After watching this doco, I think I'm probably in the same boat as everyone else - I really, really wish Tim Burton had been allowed to make his movie with Nicolas Cage as Supes! Would it have been great? Probably not (I'm not a fan of anything non-animated that Burton has done in the last 15 years), but it would have been unique, that's for damn sure! This documentary is definitely worth checking out, whether you're a fan of superheroes or not.

The Canal (2014) Netflix

- I'm writing this a couple of weeks after I watched this, and not much about it sticks in my mind, which probably says a lot. But I do remember liking it - the acting was good and the suspense was very well done. Not really horror, more psychological thriller, but one that'll keep you guessing and interested for the whole hour and a half.

The Keep (1983) VHS

- It's rare for me to watch VHS these days, having sold off most of my collection (which numbered in the many hundreds) over the past year or so. But this is one I found hidden away in a box in my garage and I had to give it a watch before putting it up for sale - especially since it has never been released on DVD. I love, love, love this movie! Sure, some of the effects are a bit cheesy, but the Tangerine Dream score is phenomenal and director Michael Mann brings a dream-like quality to proceedings. Damn I want to see this on a decent print - is a bluray really too much to ask?

Can't Hardly Wait (1998) Netflix

- A brief excursion into romantic comedy territory. But hey, this one is actually really good - it reminds me of the 1980s John Hughes teen comedies that I grew up on. 

V for Vendetta (2005) DVD

- Remember, remember the 5th of November. And what better movie to watch on Guy Fawkes Night? I do enjoy the look of this movie, it has some stellar cinematography, as you'd hope for when a comic book is adapted to the screen. The story has never been one that really resonates with me though, unfortunately. Call me a crotchety old man, but the "V" mask has lost its impact for me due to its use by the hacking group Anonymous in real life. Still, this is a good watch.

LONG PORK DOUBLE FEATURE:

Bone Tomahawk (2015) AVI

- Boy did I love this movie! Obviously I love horror movies, and I do really enjoy westerns - the two are sadly not joined together very often in cinema. But that's now changed, because Bone Tomahawk is fantastic. Sure, it's more western than horror, but there's some genuine creepiness to the cannibal natives in this here yarn. The cinematography of the dusty, old west setting is excellent, the story is well written and the effects are top notch. But what really makes this stand out is the acting. A big thank you to whoever decided to cast Kurt Russell in the sheriff role - after the perfection ghtat is Tombstone I could watch Kurt act in westerns for the rest of my days. And the supporting cast (including The Conjuring's Patrick Wilson and a brief appearance by genre favourite Sid Haig) is great. More horror westerns please!

The Green Inferno (2015) AVI

- Ah yes, Eli Roth. The guy gets a lot of hate, but I'm not on board with that. He at least makes interesting movies, if not always great. I like to think of him as horror's answer to Quentin Tarantino (with no doubt a fraction the talent), and he's in full-on Tarantino-mode in this one. Whereas Tarantino has paid homage to the likes of blaxploitation, martial arts and spaghetti westerns in recent years, Roth chooses to make a love letter to 1970s Italian cannibal flicks. Thankfully the one thing he left out is the awful animal cruelty of those original offerings, so The Green Inferno has that going for it. Unfortunately the gore is also lacking in comparison (but still quite abundant) and there's no nudity, but there is some nice visuals (the natives in full red bodypaint are visually striking) and the acting is pretty good. You won't care about the characters, but that's beside the point in these movies I guess. Roth gets an A for effort and at least, unlike the animal-cruelty-filled 70s flicks, I can see myself watching this one again some time soon.

What I Watched - May 6-12 2015

WHAT I WATCHED: May 6-12

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) Netflix
- There’s been a lot of hype about this movie online recently, and not all of it positive. I’ve heard some horror fans complain that “it’s not a horror movie”, and in some ways they’re right. It’s more of an arthouse movie (shot in black and white) with some horror elements. I dug the unique setting (California doubling as Iran) and most importantly found the leads to be compelling. The comparisons with Let the Right One In are unavoidable, and while it’s not quite as good as that one, it definitely deserves plenty of praise.

Blood Lake (1987) Youtube
- I’m a sucker for obscure genre flicks that haven’t been released on DVD. Bored one night at work, I found this on Youtube and settled in for a viewing. Yikes is this one bad. Plotwise it is your atypical slasher - group of teens spend a weekend at a lakehouse and get picked off by a maniac. But what makes it so excrutiating to watch is the acting. The cast of unknowns, many of whom didn’t act again after this, look absolutely lost on camera. They stumble through their lines and spend most of the time looking around as if wondering what to do next. The action doesn’t begin until 45-minutes into the film, before that we’re treated to such pleasures as watching the teens waterski and play drinking games, all in the most unexciting manner imaginable. Blood Lake is only for the most masochistic of B-movie fans.

Braindead (1992) VHS
- I’m in the process of selling off my rather-large VHS collection, as I just don’t have room for them anymore. My girlfriend had never seen this New Zealand classic, directed by the one and only Peter Jackson, so I threw it in the old machine for a watch before I sell it. This copy is the American one, titled Dead Alive, but it’ll always be Braindead to me. Simply put, this is one of the greatest horror comedies ever made. From the kung fu kicking Priest (“I kick ass in the name of the Lord”) to the gory-beyond-words lawnmower finale, you can’t go wrong with Braindead.

Slaughter High (1986) VHS
- Another one I decided to pop in for a watch before selling. Not the greatest 80s slasher, but any fan of slashers is going to have a good time watching it. The premise is very similar to 1981’s The Burning, but instead of a caretaker falling foul of a teenaged prank, it’s the school nerd. Like Cropsy, said nerd exacts his revenge on the perpetrators, some 10 years later at a school reunion.

Blood Rage (1987) AVI
- AKA Nightmare at Shadow Woods. Apparently this was made in 1983 but not released until 1987, which is never a good sign. Another obscure not-on-DVD feature (although apparently it will be getting the Blu Ray treatment from Arrow later this year). However, unlike Blood Lake, this one has better acting and some good gore. The plot is also moderately interesting, featuring two identical twins, one of whom is a psychopath. Not a bad little twist at the end too.

Honeymoon Horror (1982) AVI
- Yet more not-on-DVD obscurity. Three sets of college couples, newly married, head to an island getaway for their honeymoon, where they are killed by a mystery psycho. I say mystery, but even a coma patient will guess who it is well before the reveal. Bad acting, awful sets, this one has the lot. There are a couple of decent gore kills, but not enough to make this one recommendable. Not even for cheese factor, because apart from a hilariously-wacky small-town sheriff there’s just no fun to be had here.

The Night Brings Charlie (1990) AVI
- Finishing off the trio of obscurities I watched in one night was this Orlando-shot slasher with yet another cast of nobodies. By 1990 slashers were becoming old hat, and this one recycles all the old cliche stuff (including a scene taken straight from a Friday the 13th sequel, in which three bikers are taken out in a barn). But what it lacks in originality this one makes up for with an interesting killer at least (the titular Charlie, wearing overalls, a sack on his head and goggles), a decent twist and some above-average acting.

The Wild Life (1984) VHS
- I always wondered why I’d never heard of this movie before. After all, it was written by Cameron Crowe (FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, ALMOST FAMOUS etc) and has a pretty good cast of young 80s talent (Chris Penn, Eric Stoltz, Lea Thompson, Jenny Wright). But after watching it I can kind of see how it slipped through the cracks and didn’t become as well-known as other 80s teen comedies. There’s nothing wrong with the acting - Penn is great as the carefree party animal and Stolz is solid as his more conservative buddy - but the script just seems to lack the spark of Fast Times, while covering the same type of ground (teen life set around malls, school etc). Solid but hardly a classic.

SUMMER OF 87 #12 - Three for the Road

The cover of my VHS copy of Three for the Road

 

8.15pm, Day 2:
Three for the Road
Director: Bill L Norton
Starring: Charlie Sheen, Kerri Green, Alan Ruck, Blair Tefkin
Format: VHS (Roadshow)

Plot: A crafty political aide (Sheen) and his soft-spoken pal (Ruck) are assigned the job of delivering a senator's out-of-control teenage daughter (Green) to an institution.

- NOTE: I was originally going to end this marathon with NEAR DARK, easily my favourite vampire movie of all time. But I watch that one a lot, and my wife decided to join me for this finale, so I picked something we could enjoy together. So comedy it is.
- This movie is like a convergence of two of my favourite 80s movies, bringing together Charlie Sheen and Alan Ruck (both in FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF) and Kerri Green (who was in THE GOONIES). Sheen and Ruck also acted together on the TV series Spin City and Sheen and Green starred together in 1986's LUCAS (with Corey Haim).
- I've never seen this movie. In fact, before I found it on VHS I had never heard of it. I don't think it's ever been released on DVD.
- Hey, it's Uncle Phil (James Avery from Fresh Prince of Bel Air) as a Jesus-freak truck driver.
- Nice undies Charlie.
- Blair Tefkin. I remember her from the original scifi series V, a role she got when Dominique Dunne was murdered (look it up if you're unfamiliar with the case). Here Blair is definitely switching things up from her square girl role in V, as she plays a fast-talking southern party girl.

Overall thoughts: This seems to be a forgotten 80s comedy - you just don't hear anything about it. I'm not sure why that is, because it's actually pretty good. The closest comparison I can think of is another 80s roadtrip comedy, The Sure Thing, except here the girl's the loose cannon and the guy the square. At this point in his career Charlie Sheen was a likeable lead man, Alan Ruck puts in another solid performance as a neurotic sidekick, and I was happy to get to see Kerri Green on screen again, because she never made another mainstream movie after this. If you're a fan of these types of movies it's worth tracking down Three For The Road.

The Black Gestapo (1975)

A scan of my VHS copy of Black Gestapo 

 

The Black Gestapo (1975)
Director: Lee Frost
Starring: Rod Perry, Charles Robinson, Phil Hoover
Format: VHS (Prestige Video)

Lee Frost directed everything from 1960s Mondo shockumentaries and softcore roughies to biker flicks and the campy scifi comedy THE THING WITH TWO HEADS. In 1966 he helmed Love Camp 7, which is widely considered a pioneer in the nazi exploitation genre. Nine years later he revisited the nazi theme with a twist, nazi blaxploitation!

At least that's what this movie's title and cover art would have you believe. In truth there's no real nazi content beyond the uniforms worn by The People's Army, a black revolutionary group who dress like a cross between Hitler Youth and the Black Panthers.

And to call it blaxploitation isn't totally accurate either. Sure, the antagonists are African American but The Black Gestapo doesn't really play up black culture in the way true blaxploitation movies do. It's more of a straight up exploitation movie that just happens to have a majority of black characters. And what exploitation there is! Nudity, racism, violence against women, rape, castration... The Black Gestapo doesn't pull any punches.

The plot follows The People's Army as they fight back against a group of white gangsters who're shaking down the black neighbourhood in Watts, Los Angeles. Led by General Ahmed (Rod Perry, THE BLACK GODFATHER, SWAT TV series) and Colonel Kojah (Charles Robinson, best known as Mac in 80s TV show Night Court), the revolutionaries use their training in guerilla tactics to wage a full-out war with the honkey hoods.

Once the white guys are out of the picture, Kojah is quickly corrupted by his new found power. Breaking away from Ahmed, he and his men soon enough take the place of their former white oppressors, shaking down bookies, selling drugs and killing anyone who gets in their way. It's up to the principled Ahmed to try to put a stop to his former righthand man's delusions of grandeur.

Frost regular Phil Hoover (THE THING WITH TWO HEADS) plays bigoted white goon Vito, who gets his comeuppance in a painful way, while Frost himself plays campy toupee-wearing criminal overlord Vincent.

You could say there's a serious message in all of this - that the oppressed can quickly become the oppressors if they give in to the temptations of power. But really, who cares about morales and messages when there's so much sleazy exploitation to enjoy? Especially when it comes wrapped in a parcel of funky 70s music and fashions (I wonder why plaid trousers have ever made a comeback? Or maybe they have and I didn't notice?).

The action is sometimes brutal, sometimes goofy, but always good sleazy fun. The best stuff is during the black-white war at the start and Ahmed's assault on Kojah's compound at the end. The gratuitous shots of naked breasts at regular intervals certainly don't hurt either.

Fans of low budget exploitation will have a ball watching The Black Gestapo. I mean, how often do you get to see black guys dressed like Nazi soldiers raising their fists while audio of mass "Sieg heil" chants plays? Not often, I can tell you that.

CORMANIA 2011 #9 - The Berlin Conspiracy

11.42am - The Berlin Conspiracy (1992)
Our King's role: Executive producer
Cast: Marc Singer (BEASTMASTER), Mary Crosby (ICE PIRATES), Stephen Davies (BLOODFIST 7)

Plot: In the days surrounding the collapse of the Berlin Wall, four cannisters of biological weapons are stolen from East Berlin by terrorists on order for Iraq. In order to get them back, an East German spy (Davies) is forced to cross to the West and team up with an American CIA agent (Singer). It turns out they are both involved with the same woman (Crosby), creating tension in their new partnership. Will they still be able to work together to stop the cannisters from ending up in the wrong hands?

Observations:
- I got this rare flick in a bulk lot of VHS tapes I bought recently. As far as I know it's not on DVD.
- Directed by Terence H Winkless, who also directed the first Bloodfist movie. So can we expect some good action?
- We're in East Berlin, two days before the wall came down. I know that because it said so onscreen.
- Love the Film Noir-esque narration.
- Marc Singer! One of the most underrated actors of the 80s. Loved him in V and the Beastmaster series (movies and TV series).
- Hey, what do ya know, a good fight scene in the first five minutes.
- Biological weapons. Iraq. How topical for the time.
- I actually recognise some of the footage they're using from the Berlin Wall coming down.
- So now the East und za Vest... I mean West... are working together.
- Full frontal hooker nudity alert.
- The American is a partying womaniser, the East German a stiff-collared by the book man. Holy lazy stereotypes Batman!
- Corny one-liner alert: "That's one bad Czech that didn't bounce".
- Oh no, our buddies are fighting! I hope they sort out their differences by the end of the movie.
- Out of control tramcar!
- Who left that pile of empty boxes there?
- Shootout on top of the Berlin Wall. There's something you don't see every day.
- Maybe they'll raise the baby as a kind of German version of My Two Dads?

Overall thoughts: Political thrillers just aren't my thing. The Berlin Conspiracy is part political thriller, part buddy cop movie. The latter can be okay (I quite like the Rush Hour movies), but this one's pretty much by the numbers (partners don't get along, one's a rebel, the other a bit square). The best stuff is early on when we see inside East Berlin as the authorities scramble in the lead up to the wall coming down. I really wish this one had gone whole hog on being a film noir homage, with Marc Singer playing a hard-boiled detective going inside East Berlin, and Crosby playing the sexy damsel. That would have ruled it bigtime. Instead it's a passable action thriller. There's a reason this one isn't on DVD.