WHAT I WATCHED - FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5 2016
Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force (1989) DVD
- I've seen this one before and bored one night I decided to throw it in again and have a few laughs. In a desolate post apocalyptic world, a group of women belong to a religious order that instructs them to go out into the world wearing skimpy leotards and on rollerskates. As you do. This is actually the first sequel to the movie Roller Blade, and several sequels follow - talk about beating a dead horse.
The acting is over-the-top and campy, the fight scenes are hilariously bad, and the script doesn't make a lick of sense (why would anyone want to rollerskate when what’s left of the roads are going to realistically be covered in all sorts of rocks and rubble? Just who is sweeping these roads?). Notice I said rollerskate, not rollerblade. There are no rollerblades in this movie, only four-wheel rollerskates. I'm willing to let that pass though, because everyone fights with ninja swords (aka blades), so the name could come from that.
If you haven't figured it out already, this is definite so-bad-it's-good material. One for the bad cinema afficionados.
Funeral Home (1980) AVI
- A girl goes to stay with her grandmother, who runs a bed-and-breakfast in a creepy old Funeral Home, which grammy and her missing husband used to run together. In true slasher style people start dying and the girl hears some strange things coming from the basement. Is grandpa not missing after all?
This little rarity (no DVD release) from director William Fruet (House by the Lake, Spasms, Killer Party) is a solid slasher that is boosted by some solid acting from Lesleh Donaldson (Happy Birthday to Me) as the granddaughter and Kay Hawtrey as the grandmother. The wacky ending also saves it after some plodding middle parts. Overall it's definitely worth watching for slasher fans.
Boardinghouse (1982) AVI
- What drew me to this one was the cover art, which is so awesome/cheesy. The movie itself? Not so much. I'm sure if I'd seen this movie in the mid-80s my teenage self would have enjoyed it - it's full of T&A. So much so that it feels like a softcore porno with some supernatural/killings thrown into the mix. And the acting is terrible... it's obvious these girls were picked for talents other than their thespian chops. Apparently the budget was a whopping $10,000, and I guess most of that went on catering.
This one's definitely a chore to get through if you're not a teenager with over-active hormones.
Perfect Victims (1982) AVI
- Another rare title, this one has never made it to DVD. It's about a guy who contracts AIDS and blames women for it, so he goes on a rampage of killing random females. The AIDS angle makes it stand out a bit from the sea of slashers that the 80s brought, but other than that it's fairly by-the-numbers. There are a few rape scenes, so if that's a deal-breaker for you, I suggest you give this one a miss. Interestingly the director went on work on mostly Power Rangers-type TV shows, which is a real change of pace from his work here.